Choosing to challenge: Gemma Burton-Connolloy talks gender equality

I could put a gloss on it and tell you that it has been a smooth journey and that we have reached true equality for women, but I’d be doing a disservice to all of those that have campaigned and continue to campaign for true equality. I will tell you about my experiences as a woman, a woman who has faced discrimination by pure virtue of my gender.

Unless you have been living under a rock for the past few weeks you would have viewed the now infamous video of the Handforth Parish Council meeting. There are various camps of opinions that came out on social media after the shambles of a meeting. For me, there were undertones of bullying and discrimination, but it didn’t surprise me as I’ve witnessed gender discrimination on a frequent basis. What I did feel was a sense of pride, watching Jackie Weaver maintain a sense of decorum whilst some of the Councillors acted akin to precocious children.

I have so many examples of discriminatory behaviour that I’ve experienced first-hand, but I fear I could be writing for weeks if I wrote them all, so I have just pulled out a few.

I saw early glimmers of discrimination as a young child. There is a small age gap between by brother and me. He was afforded a lot more freedom than I was. I remember having a conversation with a family friend. I couldn’t get my head around why he was allowed to do more than me. We were close in age, had the same friends, and her response was clinical: “my dear, he was born male”. I had entirely forgotten that conversation until I started to write this blog, but it shows that society has conditioned us from a young age to believe that we are the inferior gender.

In the early years of my career my illusions were very quickly shattered by a client that simply refused to engage with me, he wouldn’t even make eye contact with me. When asked why, it was simple: “I don’t want a woman dealing with my case”. Rather than champion me and other women, my then boss accommodated the situation and passed the case to my male counterpart, despite us being equally qualified. That was a wake up call for me that despite the sacrifices that the early suffragettes had made during the women’s movement, discrimination was very much alive and kicking. I was disappointed and my rose-tinted glasses were becoming darkened.

Another that stands out was when I was presenting at an event. As I introduced myself, a man in his late fifties/early sixties started to rudely interrupt me. I called him out to ask what was causing his behaviour, he informed me (and the rest of the audience) that he didn’t think he could learn from “someone like you”. I was raging inside but over the years I had developed a swan-like demeanour and I continued with the task at hand.

At the end of the session, he approached me and thanked me, but he had to throw in a final jab and reiterated that he was surprised that he learned something. I asked why he surprised and what he meant by “someone like you” and his response was what I anticipated, because I was a young woman, he had made a judgement that I couldn’t possibly teach him anything.

I got a little kick out of him eating his words but to this day it saddens me that we live in a world of judgement, whether that be racial, gender, sexuality, disability and so much more.

I dusted myself off and continued with an “I will show ‘em” attitude. This started to shape me as a person, I started to become quite bitter and competitive about proving my self-worth. This attitude stuck with me for many years.

It was only after receiving counsel from someone I admire greatly, who said to me, “stop trying to prove them wrong and just be you”. It took me until then to realise that I was allowing this to eat at my core and I didn’t realise that I was outwardly portraying this attitude.

That comment was like a light bulb moment, I just simply stopped caring about what others thought and I just started to be me and being me was the best tonic I could have wished for. I had allowed these comments, attitudes and negativity to affect me and affect my mental well-being. It sounds cliché but the day I stopped caring about having to prove myself was the day that an entire weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I started to get my sense of fun back.

I like to think about the positives and how these situations help us to grow as individuals and the good thing to come out of my experiences is that I’m resilient but also empathic and never want people to feel how I have felt over the years.

As human beings we all owe a duty to not tolerate any form of discrimination and to call out the negativity that we face or witness. This isn’t isolated to gender inequality; it is all forms of inequality. As we all take an individual stand the ripple effect will flow and soon, we will leave this earth with our footprints of acceptance, respect and diversity imprinted.