Volunteering at Chrysalis

In 2019 I went to The Guilty Feminist Live at the Mayflower Theatre and during the show Max from Chrysalis came on stage to raise money and talk about what the charity does. Chrysalis is a charity that supports transgender and questioning people, their families and close friends.

One thing Max said really struck me: one in three employers said they were ‘less likely’ to employ a transgender person. I was shocked that so many people would openly admit (even to an anonymous survey) such blatant discrimination. I didn’t know any trans or non-binary people, but I did know that diverse and inclusive workplaces make businesses better, and by extension society, so when Max said they needed volunteers for all sorts of things I spoke to him afterwards. Max looked me up and down, taking in all 6ft of me, and asked if I was interested in coming to help run groups.

Apparently, my height may help put some people at ease…

My role

Initially, I was a co-facilitator in a group called ‘Trans and Questioning’ (T&Q) where beneficiaries of the charity had a speaker, group support work and time with a counsellor. My role is to make sure that the group process can function, that all beneficiaries can speak and be heard. It sometimes means talking about my own feelings about my gender and identity and sometimes means providing practical tips like where to buy tights when you’re taller than average (Max was right - the height thing was useful).

Covid-19 put a stop to face-to-face groups but now everything is online instead. Now I support some of those groups online but primarily do key workings, which is one-to-one support for someone who needs a sympathetic ear or help finding solutions to specific issues.

T&Q is a self-selecting group who have specific needs, some are not out to their families, some are neuro-diverse and find group settings uncomfortable, some are out of work, most often they are very lonely and isolated. Not all trans people have the same experiences (the same as everybody) but those who come to T&Q for help really do need it.

I’ve heard a lot of awful things. Awful things done to people who are honestly some of the best, kindest, wittiest, most thoughtful people I have ever met. I find it hard to hear sometimes but when people leave T&Q to the more social groups or don’t need that support anymore it’s amazing to have been a part of that process. You know you’ve contributed, just a tiny bit, to making things easier for people.

What it means to me

I’m 6ft, not exactly willowy, with minimal interest in makeup and hair, and an introvert. People have made fun of my height or made comments since I was a teenager and I struggled to feel feminine. This in no way compares to some of the issues trans and non-binary folk deal with, but I found it did help us talk about the issues because I know what it means to not fit in the box that society expects.

There are so many ways of being a woman (or a man, or a person) and I hate that society is trying to put us all in these little boxes of what is acceptable or not. To help others come to a place where they are more accepting of themselves is a privilege and I am glad to do something proactive that supports people who are going through some difficult periods of their lives. It’s been so edifying watching people become the person they’re meant to be right in front of me, to see them grow confident in themselves and their choices.

It is a joy to be a part of that process.